It seems that each of the three characters in this movie is having a
crisis of perspective which comes from being wrapped up in their own
views. They are so wrapped up in fact that they cannot see that their
views are incomplete. Tom hardly ever speaks, I mean really speaks. He’s
content to write poetry and keep his thoughts, his true self, to
himself. It comes off confusing to me the viewer during the first part
of the movie. We hear his thoughts, but he doesn’t speak. They seem
disassociated from what he is attempting to portray. Jack is so wrapped
up in trying to find the right piece to solve the puzzle to him becoming
president he doesn’t see how all of the pieces are related,
interconnected. Sonia can see the forest, as it were, but can’t see the
leaves. She sees the systems that make up the world, but can’t see the
intricacies within that system, notably her daughter. By the end of the
movie, they have all gone through a “turning point”. None of them, no
matter how learned, or how seemingly flexible, was able to escape this
learning opportunity without having gained something. They discovered a
new perspective.
The movie speaks about a Clock Model of the Cosmos. This is not unlike
Alan Watts “Fully Automatic” Model of the Cosmos which he contrasts with
the “Ceramic Model” in the “the Nature of Consciousness” in which we
remove the Law Maker, but we kept the law. We tend to think of all the
events of the cosmos as responding to the laws of cosmos. We didn’t need
an architect of some grand scheme in order for us to engage in science
and prophecy. So we looked at the past and made predictions on the
future. The universe is now a mechanism in this case. Newtonion thought
suggests that the cosmos and life itself is a bunch of billiard balls
banging around in chance patterns that have become, by fluke, humans,
plants, animals, etc. Alan Watts explains that the thought is that “ in
order to keep our nature we must “impose our will upon this world as if
we were something completely alien to it”. In a similar way Sonia quotes
Francis Bacon saying “’...that Nature had to be hounded in her
wandering, bound into service, made a slave’. He even said that
scientists with their new mechanical devices, had to torture Nature's
secrets out of her.’”
The thing is that this is not new. The idea that we need a new paradigm
in which to view the cosmos is not new. We know this. Sonia’s systems
theory works. Alan Watts Theory of A Drama, or a Game works, but the
theories that they both suggest don’t have any wide appeal to the
masses. It only comes to those who seem to seek it out while others are
content to simply live in a clock like world or a ceramic world both of
which don’t make us in any way accountable.
If we were to look at the world with more of a systems mindframe, what
would be the end result. Well, I think we would be a lot more careful
especially with what we do with what we have. A lot less wasteful, a lot
more thoughtful. But I suppose that I cannot wait for others to adopt
this ideal in order to put it into practice. Its like Krishnamurti said,
I am responsible for all of the violence and ugliness of the world
because of my conditioning. Now this conditioning is being replaced by
something new and more useful, and I am afraid to use it only because I
am afraid of what it will cost me, what others will think. I am afraid
of giving up my own comforts, my own perspective to come to a new one,
one that makes more sense.
Showing posts with label Apprenticeship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Apprenticeship. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Karate Kid (1984)
A lesson I got after I told Alex his lessons were boring:
“You two, watch the Karate Kid (1984) and make me a report on the lessons one might be getting even when one feels one is not learning anything useful”
“I promise to teach you Karate, You promise to learn Karate. I say, you do…no questions”-The Sacred Pact
We have a similar pact here, though it is not as obvious. The pact between the Teaching Master and Apprentice stands as follows:
“I promise to teach you the skills necessary to shoulder the burden of knighthood. You promise to learn. So, I say and you do…no excuses”.
I forgot that this was voluntary. The completing of the application, the taking of the simple oath, the working through the IP. No one was going to get angry if I suddenly decided that the path of the Jedi as practiced at the Temple was not for me. I’ve taken several leaves of absence. No one seems to be terribly upset at my leaving, but they are generally happy with my return.
The agreement between Mark Anjuu and myself was voluntary as was my pairing with Alexandre. I knew that I was making the sacred pact whether it was vocalized or not. I’d promised to learn, if he promised to teach. So why was this struggle occurring with every lesson. First, “Who Moved My Cheese?” and second “Freedom from the Known”. The fact that I have gotten two lessons is a testament to how detrimental my defiance is. Mostly the nagging question is “How is this relevant to knighthood?” Writing a bunch of papers wont make me a Jedi, so why not some more practical lessons?
I’m sure Daniel-san had similar misgivings about Myagi’s teaching method. He spent days doing menial labor. The first time I saw it I thought “He’s teaching him submission. Seeing how far he can take him before he breaks. I wonder how much longer this will last. I know that in the end he will teach him Karate, but I wonder how much will happen in the interim.
There must be an undercurrent of trust within any relationship to make it solid and strong, to make it last, and there I discovered my problem. Much as I admired Alex, I did not trust him, but there was nothing that he could do to make the trust grow stronger. He was keeping up his end of the promise, it was I who was not. By the same token, there was nothing I could do to cultivate that trust that he wasn’t already asking me to do, so I pushed on through Krishnamurti.
It was a bit like drilling through bedrock. Not only was it hard, Its unnecessary. I began my first essay with the words “I hate looking at your face Krishnamurti, but I’m doing this to be done.” I began reading something I had read many, many times over the last six months “Man has throughout the ages been seeking….” But it wasn’t until after I read it all and began writing that it all began to make sense. I had been seeking and become angry because I had not found what I was looking for, and to tell the truth even now I don’t know what it is. But the truth is there can be no method to the truth inside of me, there can be no path lain for me, I must make my own.
Paint the fence, sand the deck, wax the car, these are tools in the same way that “Freedom from the Known, “Who Moved My Cheese?”, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” and “Celestine Prophecy” are tools. They don’t show you the way, but they make you think thoughts maybe you are afraid of and these thoughts, maybe they inspire some action. These lessons may never be practical the way I would like, just as Daniel-San couldn’t see the point of his menial labor, but if these things make me think differently, then they inspire a different sort of action, and it is the action that makes the Knight.
“You two, watch the Karate Kid (1984) and make me a report on the lessons one might be getting even when one feels one is not learning anything useful”
“I promise to teach you Karate, You promise to learn Karate. I say, you do…no questions”-The Sacred Pact
We have a similar pact here, though it is not as obvious. The pact between the Teaching Master and Apprentice stands as follows:
“I promise to teach you the skills necessary to shoulder the burden of knighthood. You promise to learn. So, I say and you do…no excuses”.
I forgot that this was voluntary. The completing of the application, the taking of the simple oath, the working through the IP. No one was going to get angry if I suddenly decided that the path of the Jedi as practiced at the Temple was not for me. I’ve taken several leaves of absence. No one seems to be terribly upset at my leaving, but they are generally happy with my return.
The agreement between Mark Anjuu and myself was voluntary as was my pairing with Alexandre. I knew that I was making the sacred pact whether it was vocalized or not. I’d promised to learn, if he promised to teach. So why was this struggle occurring with every lesson. First, “Who Moved My Cheese?” and second “Freedom from the Known”. The fact that I have gotten two lessons is a testament to how detrimental my defiance is. Mostly the nagging question is “How is this relevant to knighthood?” Writing a bunch of papers wont make me a Jedi, so why not some more practical lessons?
I’m sure Daniel-san had similar misgivings about Myagi’s teaching method. He spent days doing menial labor. The first time I saw it I thought “He’s teaching him submission. Seeing how far he can take him before he breaks. I wonder how much longer this will last. I know that in the end he will teach him Karate, but I wonder how much will happen in the interim.
There must be an undercurrent of trust within any relationship to make it solid and strong, to make it last, and there I discovered my problem. Much as I admired Alex, I did not trust him, but there was nothing that he could do to make the trust grow stronger. He was keeping up his end of the promise, it was I who was not. By the same token, there was nothing I could do to cultivate that trust that he wasn’t already asking me to do, so I pushed on through Krishnamurti.
It was a bit like drilling through bedrock. Not only was it hard, Its unnecessary. I began my first essay with the words “I hate looking at your face Krishnamurti, but I’m doing this to be done.” I began reading something I had read many, many times over the last six months “Man has throughout the ages been seeking….” But it wasn’t until after I read it all and began writing that it all began to make sense. I had been seeking and become angry because I had not found what I was looking for, and to tell the truth even now I don’t know what it is. But the truth is there can be no method to the truth inside of me, there can be no path lain for me, I must make my own.
Paint the fence, sand the deck, wax the car, these are tools in the same way that “Freedom from the Known, “Who Moved My Cheese?”, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” and “Celestine Prophecy” are tools. They don’t show you the way, but they make you think thoughts maybe you are afraid of and these thoughts, maybe they inspire some action. These lessons may never be practical the way I would like, just as Daniel-San couldn’t see the point of his menial labor, but if these things make me think differently, then they inspire a different sort of action, and it is the action that makes the Knight.
Freedom from the Known
This was a difficult book to get through for me because of its density.
It is only just over one hundred pages long, but Krishnamurti speaks on a
lot of different things all under the very large umbrella of
conditioning. Most of what Krishnamurti speaks about can be gleaned from
chapter one of his sixteen chapter treatise and most of the truths are
also found in the book the Celestine Prophecy which I read a few years
ago. In fact, I think that book does a better job explaining many of the
truths found here. Nevertheless, I will write up my thoughts on this
book using some of the quotes from each chapter that I found
interesting.
The first thing that I found really interesting was Krishnamurti’s assertion that faith breads violence. This was the first difficult thing to understand, for why would faith bring about violence? But the more I thought about it the more it began to make sense. Faith breads violence because it makes our thinking mechanical. We aren’t critical thinkers any more once we have faith (in the most general since of the word) because we are so concerned with fitting in (being a respectable human being), but this torture of the mind is just that because our natural state (the state of being truly alive) is constantly at odds with what we are conditioned to do or believe or say. This is why our inner nature becomes violent. The inner nature is then reflected upon the outer nature so that our relationships with one another become violent conflicts and competitions. It’s rather ironic that something that is supposed to create a better and more moral human being and therefore society has failed so miserably.
Is it possible to remove this conditioning? Perhaps, but not in the way that we are most accustomed to doing it. We know that this conditioning is bad and so then we try to remove it by sheer willpower, but this only creates more conflict within the self. Becoming aware of this conditioning is the first and only step to freeing oneself from it. I don’t mean this superficial awareness where we are aware and we argue with the result either excusing it or attempting to exorcize it. I mean to be aware of it without passing any judgment on it.
We are always passing judgment on everything whether it be by knowledge (that is a tree) or by emotion (that is bad or that is good) and this constant stream of thoughts prevents us from truly seeing what is there and experiencing it fully. But thought, you see, is always old. It is an artifact that comes from an experience. It creates both pleasure and pain, one which we hope to experience over and over again and one which we work studiously to avoid. And so that is our life. We are either seeking pleasure or avoiding pain, and what sort of life is that? It means we are always running toward something or away, never fully seeing anything.
“Pleasure comes into being through four stages - perception, sensation, contact and desire. " So says Krishnamurti. It is through the experiencing of pleasure and its necessary counterpart pain that thoughts come. The seeking of pleasure says “I must have that experience again” and the avoidance of pain says “I must not”. But it is ludicrous to think in such a dichotomous manner because these thoughts are products of the past that create images within our mind so that we ourselves are an image interacting with other images. Where is the real us then? Where is the real relationship between one another. A scary thought to think about.
So the crux of the matter is this: that we are miserable conditioned human beings present in a beautiful world which we only experience through the screen of our thoughts which are products of our conditioning. Well, that’s just sick isn’t it? What are we going to do about it? Well, I’d prefer to experience the world fully, but truly I don’t know how and Kishy face can’t tell me can he? And its rather rude of him to present all of these issues and no real solution.
At least that’s what I would’ve said before hand, but then I am brought back to one of the first lines of his book: “Man has throughout the ages been seeking” and I find myself falling into the trap again. The seeking trap. And isn’t this how we got into trouble in the first place. We waited for someone else to provide us the answer and they gave us what worked for them, but because we are not them we were naturally in conflict. The truth is: “The primary cause of disorder in ourselves is the seeking of reality promised by another.” We wait for it, we seek it, but we don’t create it, and so I imagine that our violent nature is equal parts conditioning and frustration.
Krishnamurti asks two important questions within the book, each in chapter five: “what is your fundamental interest?” and “What are you afraid of?” Its interesting to discover that our lasting and fundamental interest lies with ourselves despite how “other-oriented” we make it. We live a lie if we don’t honestly say that feeding the hungry, for example, doesn’t provide us with a sense of pride. We would like to make our interest more community oriented, but that is not our nature, and working contrary to nature produces conflict. For me, my lasting desire has always been the respect and admiration of others. I had to take a good hard look at what my lasting interest was reading this book and you know what? I am ok with it. At least now there doesn’t have to be this façade that I am helping others simply for the sake of it. I am not.
My fears, well I haven’t given them much thought, but I know one is “not being respected or taken seriously”. I haven’t much thought about death, but I imagine that a fear of death will creep up as I get older and the reality of a death is more present. My worst fear is that I will be alone and unloved. But the truth of the matter is that fear is a choice. When I run from my fear I am running away from a thing that has not happened yet. The only truth in this list of fears is that I will die. Even knowing this there is no way to prepare, so why bother with the continual thoughts?
And what of this being alone? Of course I will be alone if I don’t make the effort to seek a companion! And so I will create my own fear by my inaction. How interesting.
In the case of not being taken seriously, that is a fear brought up by past events. It isn’t a reality now. Before I was not taken seriously, but now I am and I fear that sometime in the future I may not be. How foolish is that? How can I be afraid of another person’s thoughts about me? Can they stop me from living? Only if I let them.
My overall impression of this book is that it is very dense and difficult to get through. I imagine that Krishnamurti could’ve said all he wanted in one essay, but since he was writing a book he should’ve expanded a bit more. Much of it I did not understand, but that which I did I wrote here. Sometime in the future I may find myself picking up Krishnamurti again and discovering something new.
The first thing that I found really interesting was Krishnamurti’s assertion that faith breads violence. This was the first difficult thing to understand, for why would faith bring about violence? But the more I thought about it the more it began to make sense. Faith breads violence because it makes our thinking mechanical. We aren’t critical thinkers any more once we have faith (in the most general since of the word) because we are so concerned with fitting in (being a respectable human being), but this torture of the mind is just that because our natural state (the state of being truly alive) is constantly at odds with what we are conditioned to do or believe or say. This is why our inner nature becomes violent. The inner nature is then reflected upon the outer nature so that our relationships with one another become violent conflicts and competitions. It’s rather ironic that something that is supposed to create a better and more moral human being and therefore society has failed so miserably.
Is it possible to remove this conditioning? Perhaps, but not in the way that we are most accustomed to doing it. We know that this conditioning is bad and so then we try to remove it by sheer willpower, but this only creates more conflict within the self. Becoming aware of this conditioning is the first and only step to freeing oneself from it. I don’t mean this superficial awareness where we are aware and we argue with the result either excusing it or attempting to exorcize it. I mean to be aware of it without passing any judgment on it.
We are always passing judgment on everything whether it be by knowledge (that is a tree) or by emotion (that is bad or that is good) and this constant stream of thoughts prevents us from truly seeing what is there and experiencing it fully. But thought, you see, is always old. It is an artifact that comes from an experience. It creates both pleasure and pain, one which we hope to experience over and over again and one which we work studiously to avoid. And so that is our life. We are either seeking pleasure or avoiding pain, and what sort of life is that? It means we are always running toward something or away, never fully seeing anything.
“Pleasure comes into being through four stages - perception, sensation, contact and desire. " So says Krishnamurti. It is through the experiencing of pleasure and its necessary counterpart pain that thoughts come. The seeking of pleasure says “I must have that experience again” and the avoidance of pain says “I must not”. But it is ludicrous to think in such a dichotomous manner because these thoughts are products of the past that create images within our mind so that we ourselves are an image interacting with other images. Where is the real us then? Where is the real relationship between one another. A scary thought to think about.
So the crux of the matter is this: that we are miserable conditioned human beings present in a beautiful world which we only experience through the screen of our thoughts which are products of our conditioning. Well, that’s just sick isn’t it? What are we going to do about it? Well, I’d prefer to experience the world fully, but truly I don’t know how and Kishy face can’t tell me can he? And its rather rude of him to present all of these issues and no real solution.
At least that’s what I would’ve said before hand, but then I am brought back to one of the first lines of his book: “Man has throughout the ages been seeking” and I find myself falling into the trap again. The seeking trap. And isn’t this how we got into trouble in the first place. We waited for someone else to provide us the answer and they gave us what worked for them, but because we are not them we were naturally in conflict. The truth is: “The primary cause of disorder in ourselves is the seeking of reality promised by another.” We wait for it, we seek it, but we don’t create it, and so I imagine that our violent nature is equal parts conditioning and frustration.
Krishnamurti asks two important questions within the book, each in chapter five: “what is your fundamental interest?” and “What are you afraid of?” Its interesting to discover that our lasting and fundamental interest lies with ourselves despite how “other-oriented” we make it. We live a lie if we don’t honestly say that feeding the hungry, for example, doesn’t provide us with a sense of pride. We would like to make our interest more community oriented, but that is not our nature, and working contrary to nature produces conflict. For me, my lasting desire has always been the respect and admiration of others. I had to take a good hard look at what my lasting interest was reading this book and you know what? I am ok with it. At least now there doesn’t have to be this façade that I am helping others simply for the sake of it. I am not.
My fears, well I haven’t given them much thought, but I know one is “not being respected or taken seriously”. I haven’t much thought about death, but I imagine that a fear of death will creep up as I get older and the reality of a death is more present. My worst fear is that I will be alone and unloved. But the truth of the matter is that fear is a choice. When I run from my fear I am running away from a thing that has not happened yet. The only truth in this list of fears is that I will die. Even knowing this there is no way to prepare, so why bother with the continual thoughts?
And what of this being alone? Of course I will be alone if I don’t make the effort to seek a companion! And so I will create my own fear by my inaction. How interesting.
In the case of not being taken seriously, that is a fear brought up by past events. It isn’t a reality now. Before I was not taken seriously, but now I am and I fear that sometime in the future I may not be. How foolish is that? How can I be afraid of another person’s thoughts about me? Can they stop me from living? Only if I let them.
My overall impression of this book is that it is very dense and difficult to get through. I imagine that Krishnamurti could’ve said all he wanted in one essay, but since he was writing a book he should’ve expanded a bit more. Much of it I did not understand, but that which I did I wrote here. Sometime in the future I may find myself picking up Krishnamurti again and discovering something new.
Who Moved My Cheese
Summary
The story “Who Moved My Cheese?” is a parable starring four characters: two mice named Sniff and Scurry and two small humans named Hem and Haw. They are on a quest for cheese and so each day, early in the morning, Hem, Haw, Sniff and Scurry put on their jogging suits and their tennis shoes and enter a maze in search of cheese. Eventually they find cheese at Cheese station C and they enjoy it, but immediately the reader notices something peculiar about Sniff and Scurry when compared to Hem and Haw. Sniff and Scurry tie their shoes around their necks and they rise early in the morning to race to Cheese Station C and inspect it for any changes, they would then sit down and eat. In comparison, Hem and Haw put their shoes away and rise progressively later, arrogantly believing that the cheese will always be there. They built their lives around the cheese, moving their homes closer and showing their cheese off to friends. In time they felt they were entitled to it having worked so hard. Haw wrote on the wall: “Having Cheese Makes You Happy”
One day Sniff and Scurry raced off to Cheese Station C only to find that there was no cheese. They weren’t surprised, after all, they had been inspecting the station each morning and they kept their running shoes on. The Cheese had moved and so would they. Pretty soon both Sniff and Scurry had moved on in search of new cheese. Hem and Haw arrived some time later to the cheese-less station. “Who Moved My Cheese?” cried Hem. His cheese had made him comfortable and he wanted to get to the bottom of its disappearance. Haw had also gotten comfortable with the cheese at Station C and sadly wrote on the wall “The More Important Your Cheese is, The More You Want to Hold On to It”. Each night Hem and Haw went home hungry, each morning they went back to cheese station C hoping for a change. Hem, at one point came up with a brilliant idea. Perhaps the cheese wasn’t so far away. Maybe it was on the other side of the wall. They arrived with a pickax and hammer and worked at breaking down the wall. Pretty soon they had a very large hole but no cheese.
As they continued to do the same thing, they began to suffer the consequences, not only did they leave the station hungry each day, but their family life began to dissolve. Pretty soon they became depressed and irritable. Haw began to wonder where Sniff and Scurry were and whether they had found any new cheese. He wanted to go out into the maze, but found that his idea was shot down by Hem who brought up the very real dangers of getting lost, looking like a fool and finding no cheese. For a while, Haw let his fear keep him at the same cheeseless station, but one day he pulled out his tennis shoes and shouted, “its maze time.” As a parting gift to Hem he wrote on the wall “If you don’t change, you become extinct”.
Now, one must realize that Hem, Haw Sniff and Scurry had spent a long while a cheese station C. By the time that Haw had come out of the station and gone into the maze, he was unused to the adventure and hungry. His body began to show the effects in his slow pace. Further, because he had not explored the maze for a while he was not prepared for the numerous dead ends and on several occasions felt like returning to cheese station C. He was afraid he would not find any cheese. He wrote on the wall as a sort of encouragement “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” On his journey toward new cheese he did encounter many dead ends, but he also encountered enough cheese to keep him going. New cheese which he had never heard of, but liked all the same once he tried it. While on his journey he constantly imagined what it would be like to find new cheese. The more he imagined it, the more real he made it, the more energy the image gave him. He wrote “Imagining yourself with new cheese helps you find it. “On one occasion, he returns back to Hem and offers some of the small morsels he had picked up along the way. Hem declines citing he had never tried that cheese before and that it was not what he was used to. He wanted his old cheese back. Saddened, but determined to find a large store of cheese like he had been imagining, Haw pressed on. After all, “it is safer to search for new cheese than remain in a cheeseless station.”
Eventually, Haw did finally find Cheese Station N, where his friends Sniff and Scurry had been since shortly after the cheese in Cheese Station C had run out. He began to adopt some of their behaviors once he found the New Cheese in Cheese Station N. He kept his tennis shoes around his neck, ready for a new adventure. Day by day he also sniffed around the station and noted any changes and he continued to explore the maze even while being contented with the cheese in station N. Toward the end of the story, Haw, Sniff and Scurry hear something in the maze getting progressively closer. Haw toys with the idea that Hem might’ve finally left Cheese station C, but the question is left for the reader to ponder.
Interpretation
The characters Hem, Haw, Sniff and Scurry are represented in each of us as we confront the idea of change. Overall we may be represented by just one of the characters. We may Sniff out new opportunities or Sniff out our current situation to see if anything has changed, we may Scurry in the direction of change, we may remain stubborn and stuck within our own habits, feel a sense of entitlement. We may Hem and complain that change is simply not supposed to happen to us, or we may Haw about our stubborn and ineffective behavior and move on eventually.
It’s more likely that we as human beings pass through the stages of change in a way that is similar to the stages of grief.
We begin at the Hem stage, in a comfort zone and with a feeling of entitlement we settle into a routine. We begin to build our lives around the idea that whatever our “cheese” is will be there forever. We reach a goal or get something and we rest on our laurels, not realizing that although we may have worked for said “cheese” there is no guarantee that it will remain there. But suddenly our cheese is gone! We could remain in the Hem stage, but look at where it got the characters. They remained in the cheeseless station for so long they were starving to death, but they were not willing to change their behavior and face the fact that the cheese was gone. They tried to take the easy way out by punching a hole in the wall with a pickaxe and hammer, but that only resulted in precious energy being wasted.
By the time Haw decided to make a change his family was in shambles and he was considerably unfit for maze running. He had not been prepared for the change. Nevertheless, he looked back at his behavior with Hem and he could only laugh at its stupidity. For example, why hadn’t he noticed that the cheese pile was steadily getting smaller? Why hadn’t he followed Sniff and Scurry? Why did he continue going to the cheeseless station day after day as if by some miracle things would be different? Why did he let his fear overrule what he knew needed to be done? He could’ve gotten angry about his previous behavior, but his ability to laugh about it allowed him to move on. So then, we are in the Haw stage when we can look back and laugh at our behavior.
We are in the Sniff stage when we begin actively looking for opportunities to find new cheese. This stage goes in tandem with the Scurry stage. We Sniff out the opportunity and Scurry towards it, but we don’t know if said opportunity will be a dead end or not. If it is a dead end then it is up to us to again Sniff out a new opportunity and Scurry towards it. Eventually we will find ourselves with a store house of new cheese.
The maze in which the mice and people run is a metaphor for life and the cheese can be anything, whether it is a happy family, a nice house, a great job. The point is the people who are running in the maze decide for themselves what the cheese will represent.
And now a word about the tactics of our four characters. Sniff and Scurry, by virtue of their smaller brains and simpler lifestyle, just searched for cheese to eat. “The hard, nibbling kind that they liked, as mice often do”. They used a trial and error method to search for their cheese. By contrast, Hem and Haw, because they had larger brains, made a more complex matter of searching for the cheese that they liked. Finding the cheese with a capital C they thought would make them happy and successful. Here I see a problem. Rather than being a source of sustenance, a means to an end, as it were, for the humans, the cheese came to represent something more and came to provide something more. It came to represent success. Once they reached the cheese station they felt that they had arrived, that is why they were so against moving. By contrast, had the cheese represented something dynamic, as all of the things in our lives are, they might’ve been more prepared. Sniff and Scurry viewed the cheese as a finite, dynamic thing which could change at any moment. When it did, they were ready.
Application
After finishing my Bachelor’s degree I took one year off before going to graduate school. In that year my home life began to take an unsuspected nose dive in the form of my mother picking up an unsightly drug habit, entering my family into a mountain of debt and leaving a twenty-two year relationship. This was very hard for her significant other whose house I lived in. Having given her heart to my mother and spent so much time with her, she couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving. Couple that with the fact that we only had one steady income where we used to have two and you have the hallmarks of a cheeseless station.
I spent the summer and fall of that year trying to get my mother to see reason and trying to get her significant other to stop crying every night. No matter what I did nothing seemed to work. I could see the breaking apart of my family begin to have a detrimental effect on my health, but I was so secure in living at my parent’s house and experiencing the comfort that it provided me that I was not prepared to move from that situation.
I had failed to realize that my parent’s house was no longer a place of safety and comfort and had instead become a place that was draining my energy.
Now, two years after the big move, I have revisited the issue many times and asked what kept me in the same situation for so long. There were two things: 1. I wanted things to go back to how they had been before and 2. I was afraid of the idea of moving out on my own. I mean that I was quite terrified of not living with my parents.
In this instance I was much like Hem and Haw. I questioned fate and God about why things couldn’t simply return to the way they were. Who or what had changed my situation? I blamed everyone and I wanted them all to leave and let my family return to normal. I wanted my mother to get better, to quit the drugs and return to the job she had always loved. To me it didn’t seem that impossible. Maybe it was just around the corner. Maybe in a day or two it would be fine. Maybe with some prayer. Maybe with some confrontation. Maybe with some “silent treatment”. In truth, I felt entitled to a happy, healthy family and a secure household even though I really did nothing to make it that way. I entered and it was already set up, but now I was screaming “Who Moved My Cheese?”
In truth no one had moved it. Time had changed it and if I had been more astute I would’ve seen it coming. There was all sorts of writing on the wall that I paid no attention to.
Nevertheless, the dissolution of one’s family is no laughing matter, yet my fear of moving out was. I had all the support I needed to make the transition. I had people who were willing to make sure that I did not go hungry. I could have the place to myself free of arguments and other distractions that did not bode well for a graduate student. What was I so afraid of? Now I can sort of be like Haw and laugh at my behavior and this has taught me a lesson or two about taking chances.
Another shift is about to happen. I am about to make the transition from student to working professional and I am quite afraid. I will need to land a job before graduation if I want to keep living on my own. This is something that I know has been in the works for a while. I have been preparing for the shift by exploring the maze and making connections. I am still afraid of the idea of not being a student any more, but not so afraid that I am paralyzed.
One of the things I make sure to do is to look on the various job boards and see the type of person they are looking for. A lot of jobs in my profession require travel and I am working on that. In addition I am working on getting the necessary experience with the population I hope to work with. In this way I am sniffing out new opportunities and I am ready to scurry towards new cheese, wherever and whatever it may be.
The Way of the Peaceful Warrior
I found that I could not put this book down. I finished it in three
days. In this sense it read better than the Celestine prophecy. Though I
do not believe that I fully understand all of the pearls of wisdom in
this book, I’m going to try and explain those I do as best I can.
The present is all that we have. I believe that both the past and the future are illusions in the mind that keep us from focusing on the present. There was a story about Dan in the midst of a pentacle of dried blood surrounded by corpses and a lady in a white dress. The moment he stepped out of the pentacle to help the woman, she turned into a corpse too. Perhaps that means that the past is dead. Perhaps that means that the moment you succumb to the past you put yourself at risk of becoming dead too. I’m not entirely sure. What I did discover was a question I need to keep asking myself: “when will enough be enough?” Dan thought he would find happiness in a gymnastics championship, it turns out he did not. I have long thought I would find happiness, self esteem and respect in learning, in attaining accolades, in proving my intelligence. I am one year away from graduating and I feel no more fulfilled. I’m constantly pushing, hoping to arrive somewhere, to finally get there. The truth is that the only place I will ever arrive at is “death”. It’s a sobering thought, but it’ll make me appreciate life more. Its true what Socrates said, we all have a terminal disease called life which will eventually kill us. Death will come for us all. When we look back over our lives, will it be with the satisfaction that we truly lived or did we simply live? Did we survive, or did we thrive? Life is like standing on a moving sidewalk. The end comes eventually, but we, if we are not awake, are not convinced it is moving at all, and so we run full tilt toward the grave not even aware of the things we pass by on the way there. I have to wonder if that is really living.
One illusion I have to get rid of is the idea that there is any “there” to get to. Any “time” or “place” I can arrive at. Truly I have only “here” and “now”. There can’t be any time, because naming time, counting it, defining it, gives us the illusion that we can control it. Which is false. I have said, for example, that I want to train as a Jedi, as if Jedi is something that is “finally” bequeathed to me after hard work and dedication. While this is in some way true, I believe that the best thing to do is to start living like a Jedi now. As I do so, the lessons I need will come to me in time. Toward the end of the book Socrates says to Dan, “I have shown you the way of the peaceful warrior, not the way to the peaceful warrior”. There is a slight difference there. Dan certainly did go on a journey. He certainly learned much, but there is, I suppose, no stopping once on the journey; for life is both a journey and a school.
Another illusion I need to get rid of is the mind. The mind has so many expectations and it never seems satisfied, never seems happy. Thinking too much does not allow me to enjoy the present and thus does not allow me to live.
"I thought I had already explained that," he said patiently. "If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold onto it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change, free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending can alter that reality”
Even after reading this book I am still not sure how to get rid of the mind, that is “to lose the mind and gain the heart”. I mean there is no set steps to help me. Perhaps that is the problem, that is the major hang up. Maybe I am looking for a road map where there isn’t one. Thinking is a product of the mind and the mind is a product of thinking.
Another illusion I must let go of is this: that I can somehow control my environment. There are two examples of this. In one example Joy, Socrates, and Dan were at a picnic that suddenly got rained out. Dan became angry while the other two enjoyed the rain. Dan became angrier when he found that the other two were not angry. In truth, what can you do about rain or sunshine? As Socrates said, it’s a perfectly legal action of nature. We really have no more control over rain than we do over sunshine. The earth rotates through its seasonal cycle serenely, uncaring of the fact that there are creatures on this planet. The plants and animals don’t demand that the earth change its cycles for them, but they move with the cycles of the earth. They flow with the change, migrating back and forth as it suits them. Only humans are fool enough to build their houses on fault lines or in places where there are other natural disasters.
Am I wrong to think that the truths in this book are few and simple to see? This is why they are so profound. Applying these truths: living in the now, being open to change, letting go of preconceptions and rules and barriers and obstacles that cloud the mind, letting go of the illusion of the mind, letting go of the illusion of control, these are all simple and timeless truths every master of the world has taught us from Buddha to Christ. They are simple truths to grasp, but to truly apply them is a daily process.
The present is all that we have. I believe that both the past and the future are illusions in the mind that keep us from focusing on the present. There was a story about Dan in the midst of a pentacle of dried blood surrounded by corpses and a lady in a white dress. The moment he stepped out of the pentacle to help the woman, she turned into a corpse too. Perhaps that means that the past is dead. Perhaps that means that the moment you succumb to the past you put yourself at risk of becoming dead too. I’m not entirely sure. What I did discover was a question I need to keep asking myself: “when will enough be enough?” Dan thought he would find happiness in a gymnastics championship, it turns out he did not. I have long thought I would find happiness, self esteem and respect in learning, in attaining accolades, in proving my intelligence. I am one year away from graduating and I feel no more fulfilled. I’m constantly pushing, hoping to arrive somewhere, to finally get there. The truth is that the only place I will ever arrive at is “death”. It’s a sobering thought, but it’ll make me appreciate life more. Its true what Socrates said, we all have a terminal disease called life which will eventually kill us. Death will come for us all. When we look back over our lives, will it be with the satisfaction that we truly lived or did we simply live? Did we survive, or did we thrive? Life is like standing on a moving sidewalk. The end comes eventually, but we, if we are not awake, are not convinced it is moving at all, and so we run full tilt toward the grave not even aware of the things we pass by on the way there. I have to wonder if that is really living.
One illusion I have to get rid of is the idea that there is any “there” to get to. Any “time” or “place” I can arrive at. Truly I have only “here” and “now”. There can’t be any time, because naming time, counting it, defining it, gives us the illusion that we can control it. Which is false. I have said, for example, that I want to train as a Jedi, as if Jedi is something that is “finally” bequeathed to me after hard work and dedication. While this is in some way true, I believe that the best thing to do is to start living like a Jedi now. As I do so, the lessons I need will come to me in time. Toward the end of the book Socrates says to Dan, “I have shown you the way of the peaceful warrior, not the way to the peaceful warrior”. There is a slight difference there. Dan certainly did go on a journey. He certainly learned much, but there is, I suppose, no stopping once on the journey; for life is both a journey and a school.
Another illusion I need to get rid of is the mind. The mind has so many expectations and it never seems satisfied, never seems happy. Thinking too much does not allow me to enjoy the present and thus does not allow me to live.
"I thought I had already explained that," he said patiently. "If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold onto it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change, free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending can alter that reality”
Even after reading this book I am still not sure how to get rid of the mind, that is “to lose the mind and gain the heart”. I mean there is no set steps to help me. Perhaps that is the problem, that is the major hang up. Maybe I am looking for a road map where there isn’t one. Thinking is a product of the mind and the mind is a product of thinking.
Another illusion I must let go of is this: that I can somehow control my environment. There are two examples of this. In one example Joy, Socrates, and Dan were at a picnic that suddenly got rained out. Dan became angry while the other two enjoyed the rain. Dan became angrier when he found that the other two were not angry. In truth, what can you do about rain or sunshine? As Socrates said, it’s a perfectly legal action of nature. We really have no more control over rain than we do over sunshine. The earth rotates through its seasonal cycle serenely, uncaring of the fact that there are creatures on this planet. The plants and animals don’t demand that the earth change its cycles for them, but they move with the cycles of the earth. They flow with the change, migrating back and forth as it suits them. Only humans are fool enough to build their houses on fault lines or in places where there are other natural disasters.
Am I wrong to think that the truths in this book are few and simple to see? This is why they are so profound. Applying these truths: living in the now, being open to change, letting go of preconceptions and rules and barriers and obstacles that cloud the mind, letting go of the illusion of the mind, letting go of the illusion of control, these are all simple and timeless truths every master of the world has taught us from Buddha to Christ. They are simple truths to grasp, but to truly apply them is a daily process.
Insight 9: The Emerging Culture
This insight is really hard to absorb because it flies in the face of a
lot of things I hold value in (the life of Christ for example).
Nonetheless, I don’t think that not fully believing this insight will
stop me from believing and consequently practicing the others. Simply by
living my life with the insights in mind, my vibrations will become
higher and I may become invisible to the others operating on a lower
level.
In the Christian faith we call this phenomenon “the rapture”, though it is not conscious or self-induced. The “feeling” of rapture can be self-induced, but I don’t know about the state. Although nirvana in Buddhism might be considered as such.
More to the point, I do not know, with the current state of the world, if such a thing as high vibration is possible . We have become consumers. We have adopted a “life sucks, then you die” mentality, better known as YOLO and so we treat our planet and its creatures as resources that are to be used and resources that are inexhaustible. Neither of these supposed truths is correct. We have to change the paradigm.
And so we have come full circle. The first insight spoke of people beginning to wake up, beginning to feel a restlessness, feeling a paradigm shift. It is possible that the “awakened” group I seek already exists. That there are others all around me willing to help me as I help them raise their energy and evolve into completely spiritual beings free from existence on this plane.
The question is, “am I ready too?”
In the Christian faith we call this phenomenon “the rapture”, though it is not conscious or self-induced. The “feeling” of rapture can be self-induced, but I don’t know about the state. Although nirvana in Buddhism might be considered as such.
More to the point, I do not know, with the current state of the world, if such a thing as high vibration is possible . We have become consumers. We have adopted a “life sucks, then you die” mentality, better known as YOLO and so we treat our planet and its creatures as resources that are to be used and resources that are inexhaustible. Neither of these supposed truths is correct. We have to change the paradigm.
And so we have come full circle. The first insight spoke of people beginning to wake up, beginning to feel a restlessness, feeling a paradigm shift. It is possible that the “awakened” group I seek already exists. That there are others all around me willing to help me as I help them raise their energy and evolve into completely spiritual beings free from existence on this plane.
The question is, “am I ready too?”
Insight 8: Interpersonal Ethic
17 July 2013
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There is a lot in this insight. It probably could have been broken into two insights easily. In any case, this insight deals with how we are to treat people and how we are to interact. Though it begins with children, the truths when applied to children can also be applied to adults. The truth is that we should never try and get energy from other. We should never compete with other human beings in order to try and feel that buoyancy that can only truly come from the universe and correct interaction with it. WE are not creatures of infinite energy. We are a finite reservoir. We are a conduit. We hold only what we need, if we are in tune with the universe. Yet the universe’s energy is infinite and constantly available to those who need it.
The initial buoyancy that comes from receiving and giving energy unconsciously to a person is that it is unconscious. Our giving and our receiving happen without expecting. The energy flows from the universe, to us, and then to the other person. The process is the same for the other person as well. However, our attraction to the opposite sex can often lead to us cutting ourselves off from the energy in the universe. The book exhorts us to develop platonic relationships with people first. At first I did not know how that would be beneficial, but then I realized that a platonic relationship does not have the same level of commitment or attachment as a romantic relationship. To this end, they are preferred because they can be ended without much difficulty.
All of the people we meet have messages for us. If we have a conversation with them and we do not receive a message from them, then it is not that they did not have a message, it is that we somehow missed it. The truth is that to truly interpersonally interact with someone, we have to appreciate them fully, their natural selves. In doing that we give them energy and in doing so help them discover the message they have for us and help ourselves discover the message we have for them.
If it is perceived that a person we are interacting with is operating in a control drama we first must realize that the control dramas are covert ways to get energy and nothing more. We need to make sure not to assume the matching control drama. As a refresher the control dramas are: Aloof (Create Interrogators), Interrogator (creates Aloof), Intimidator (Creates Poor Me’s), and Poor Me. The way to call out a control drama is to take notice of a person’s tone and body language and simply ask questions regarding it. I believe that once they realize that you are invested in them and that you will give them energy freely, they will stop trying to take. More importantly, they will be forced to explain why they are acting the way they are acting. It can no longer be a covert manipulation.
The two things that made the stuck the most out to me were the discussion on how to treat children and by extension others and how to give and receive messages.
The discussion on how to treat children stuck out to me most because I intend to raise some of my own in the near future and I always wondered how to get rid of that sibling rivalry and Oedipus/electra complex. In this insight I have the answer, but after having read it I wonder if I have the energy, the patience and the desire to devote all of my time to my children. I want them to grow up happy and healthy and I want to make sure that I provide the right environment for such growth.
How to give and receive messages stuck out to me because what they suggest in the book seems to require us as a human race to simply slow down and truly observe and see whom we need to talk to in order to get the answers we need. I do wonder if we are prepared for such a thing.
-------------
There is a lot in this insight. It probably could have been broken into two insights easily. In any case, this insight deals with how we are to treat people and how we are to interact. Though it begins with children, the truths when applied to children can also be applied to adults. The truth is that we should never try and get energy from other. We should never compete with other human beings in order to try and feel that buoyancy that can only truly come from the universe and correct interaction with it. WE are not creatures of infinite energy. We are a finite reservoir. We are a conduit. We hold only what we need, if we are in tune with the universe. Yet the universe’s energy is infinite and constantly available to those who need it.
The initial buoyancy that comes from receiving and giving energy unconsciously to a person is that it is unconscious. Our giving and our receiving happen without expecting. The energy flows from the universe, to us, and then to the other person. The process is the same for the other person as well. However, our attraction to the opposite sex can often lead to us cutting ourselves off from the energy in the universe. The book exhorts us to develop platonic relationships with people first. At first I did not know how that would be beneficial, but then I realized that a platonic relationship does not have the same level of commitment or attachment as a romantic relationship. To this end, they are preferred because they can be ended without much difficulty.
All of the people we meet have messages for us. If we have a conversation with them and we do not receive a message from them, then it is not that they did not have a message, it is that we somehow missed it. The truth is that to truly interpersonally interact with someone, we have to appreciate them fully, their natural selves. In doing that we give them energy and in doing so help them discover the message they have for us and help ourselves discover the message we have for them.
If it is perceived that a person we are interacting with is operating in a control drama we first must realize that the control dramas are covert ways to get energy and nothing more. We need to make sure not to assume the matching control drama. As a refresher the control dramas are: Aloof (Create Interrogators), Interrogator (creates Aloof), Intimidator (Creates Poor Me’s), and Poor Me. The way to call out a control drama is to take notice of a person’s tone and body language and simply ask questions regarding it. I believe that once they realize that you are invested in them and that you will give them energy freely, they will stop trying to take. More importantly, they will be forced to explain why they are acting the way they are acting. It can no longer be a covert manipulation.
The two things that made the stuck the most out to me were the discussion on how to treat children and by extension others and how to give and receive messages.
The discussion on how to treat children stuck out to me most because I intend to raise some of my own in the near future and I always wondered how to get rid of that sibling rivalry and Oedipus/electra complex. In this insight I have the answer, but after having read it I wonder if I have the energy, the patience and the desire to devote all of my time to my children. I want them to grow up happy and healthy and I want to make sure that I provide the right environment for such growth.
How to give and receive messages stuck out to me because what they suggest in the book seems to require us as a human race to simply slow down and truly observe and see whom we need to talk to in order to get the answers we need. I do wonder if we are prepared for such a thing.
Insight 7: Engaging the Flow
04 July 2013
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My favorite part of this chapter was the part where the main character has the dream that he is fighting against the current. Only upon reaching a higher spot on the cliff did he realize that he should not have fought against the current, but allowed the current to carry him.
This is a really interesting point for me myself as I always try to fight against things that are happening because I feel like I should be in control. I don’t like the idea of being swept away with the current because there is no telling what is at the bottom. I was rooting for the guy as he climbed and tried to get purchase on the face of the cliff. I wondered if the Force was telling him to fight in order to see the potential ending. But then I have to wonder , as he was meters off the ground, what he could have done from there to save himself. Perhaps in another dream he would have rightly fought against the current and then grabbed on to the cliff face only to find someone willing to give him a hand.
I know it says in the chapter not to follow negative thoughts or warnings, but to heed them, but I wonder if in our thoughts and dreams if the Force just shows us a little at a time for our own benefit. One step at a time. And if so, does each step end positively? Maybe not, but we can see the positives in all situations in hindsight. As was the case with Marjorie. Our main character had no way of knowing if he would find her again once she was taken by the police. However, he did find her in the same place that he was held up in. The untrained mind sees this as coincidence, but he had been following his questions all along. Of course he could find the answer.
I found the answer I was looking for to this question: “Does each step end positively?” There is a scripture I like to recite which reads: “And we know that all things work together for the good to them that love the Lord, to them that are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). A former pastor of mine used to say “It’s going to be alright in the end and if it’s not alright it’s not the end.” Maybe things are working out for my good and I don’t see them.
I look back on where I was a year ago and I am a completely different person. I was petrified at the prospect of being by myself in my own place and I was more concerned than healthy about my family drama. I simply wonder what it will be like one year from now when I am 28 and looking back on this entry. I know my question: How do I live a life that is defined by WHO I AM, not what I do?
Now to find the sub-questions that will lead me there.
It may be time for me to begin keeping a dream/daydream/thought/question journal.
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My favorite part of this chapter was the part where the main character has the dream that he is fighting against the current. Only upon reaching a higher spot on the cliff did he realize that he should not have fought against the current, but allowed the current to carry him.
This is a really interesting point for me myself as I always try to fight against things that are happening because I feel like I should be in control. I don’t like the idea of being swept away with the current because there is no telling what is at the bottom. I was rooting for the guy as he climbed and tried to get purchase on the face of the cliff. I wondered if the Force was telling him to fight in order to see the potential ending. But then I have to wonder , as he was meters off the ground, what he could have done from there to save himself. Perhaps in another dream he would have rightly fought against the current and then grabbed on to the cliff face only to find someone willing to give him a hand.
I know it says in the chapter not to follow negative thoughts or warnings, but to heed them, but I wonder if in our thoughts and dreams if the Force just shows us a little at a time for our own benefit. One step at a time. And if so, does each step end positively? Maybe not, but we can see the positives in all situations in hindsight. As was the case with Marjorie. Our main character had no way of knowing if he would find her again once she was taken by the police. However, he did find her in the same place that he was held up in. The untrained mind sees this as coincidence, but he had been following his questions all along. Of course he could find the answer.
I found the answer I was looking for to this question: “Does each step end positively?” There is a scripture I like to recite which reads: “And we know that all things work together for the good to them that love the Lord, to them that are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). A former pastor of mine used to say “It’s going to be alright in the end and if it’s not alright it’s not the end.” Maybe things are working out for my good and I don’t see them.
I look back on where I was a year ago and I am a completely different person. I was petrified at the prospect of being by myself in my own place and I was more concerned than healthy about my family drama. I simply wonder what it will be like one year from now when I am 28 and looking back on this entry. I know my question: How do I live a life that is defined by WHO I AM, not what I do?
Now to find the sub-questions that will lead me there.
It may be time for me to begin keeping a dream/daydream/thought/question journal.
Insight 6: Clearing the Past
27 June 2013
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Insight Six is very hard and has been very hard since January because I did not have a “typical” family experience. I was given up at birth and pushed through the Foster care system. I met my biological mother at twelve years old, but I don’t know if that made a difference in my control drama or not. I’d wager that I had already found my “aloofness” by the time I was twelve. However, this means that I cannot find the purpose for my life. I cannot find the reason I am here.
What hurts the most is knowing that I have been given this life and not knowing what I am to do with it. However, just now, I got the answer as to how I am supposed to find meaning in my life. Because I had developed my control drama in the absence of my parents, I need to examine other influential relationships. There were people that took care of me, had influence over me, but when I look back, its hard to remember anything but bad things about them, because in addition to being abandoned, I was abused. But I survived! I have scars, but I made it!
I know what they taught me. At least I know some of what they taught me. In the first foster home I learned to believe God. We’d play a game when I was younger, where I’d pretend to stick may hand into the small hole of the armrest in my wheelchair. My foster sister and foster mother would then pray, and I would remove my hand. Thereby was I taught what would later become my faith in God. I know that I had done it, but I know also that it was God who gave me the power to do. As a matter of fact, there were some times that my hand would actually get stuck in the little hole. I would have to relax and breathe. I knew eventually it would come out.
When I moved to the next Foster home, there were two people I learned from: Mama and Papa. Mama was all about portraying a strong moral compass. Although I have to wonder, with some of the stuff that went on in that house if she was any good at it. It’s sort of like the book when it speaks about the main character’s dad wanting to find enjoyment but never being able to. I think the issue as it concerns Mama was that she was so interested in “doing” spirituality rather than being spiritual. I know that as I grew up there I only was exposed to three places: school, home and church. Our religion dictated how we interacted with others and how we experienced things in those three places. In the end, it was really all about control. I am not going to lie, when I was in that house, I was in an almost constant state of fear. But it was because of her need to “get to heaven” that she had she controlled every aspect of my life. She felt, if she did not “raise me right” she would not make it to heaven.
Papa was the same way, but he was all about control for a different reason. He was concerned about progress and making himself better. Making himself a person others would admire and fear. He did so by intimidation. He interrogated a lot but he did so with intimidation in mind. Any slip up resulted in consequences. I tried not to slip up, yet each day there was something. If there was not something for that day, there was something from the past, which they video tapped. In truth, I think Papa got his pleasure, his energy from beating us kids. Otherwise there could be no reason for searching as he did.
For all his faults, Papa taught me the importance of progress and perseverance. He never said “you must persevere”, “you must make progress”, but he made me learn lessons that showed me his philosophy on life. He tried.
Of particular concern is this: that Mama and Papa never got free of their control drama or never learned that in some cases is was bad to use it. To this end, they perpetuated control dramas onto their children and those around them. All are now in a battle for energy. An infinite source they consider to be finite. I began to learn the subtleties of energy manipulation at five when I moved into that house. In order to answer my evolutionary question, I must start there.
From Mama: How do I ensure that I have a good moral compass without letting my moral compass I defined by what and how much I can do?
From Papa: How do I achieve progress without stepping on the backs of others?
My question: How do I live a life that is defined by WHO I AM, not what I do?
It seems odd, does it not? Such a simple question have I been working on for the past twenty-seven years. However, knowing this question allows me to examine the relationships outside of Mama and Papa, outside of parents even, and move toward looking at friends and acquaintances. For this part, I will only look at those relationships that I can remember that had a profound impact on me.
My Big Brother: If you want to do something, do it.
My brother has always been an impulsive person. He has hopped over the fence from our house to the street in order to get a pair of headphones. He has moved across country not once, but several times. He has shaved his head on a whim. However from the first two instances I learned that although impulsivity may have its strengths, it must be tempered with a healthy bit of common sense. Impulsivity, I learned, has its consequences. They may sometimes affect you, but they often affect others. For example when my brother moved across country he left his children here. This put tremendous strain on their mother and the rest of the family as he was not sending any money for their support. When he hopped over the fence, he got a beating for at least an hour. He got the beating, but I heard it. Impulsivity works if all of your ducks are in a row. Just this month I saw impulsivity work well. My brother flew 3,000 miles to be with his children for father’s day and the rest of the week. He told me after he had related the story that “if you want to do something, don’t talk about it, do it.
Mr. Layton: You should never be too busy to take time for others
When I was in fifth and sixth grade there was a teacher I admired not because of his easy-going nature or his challenging curriculum, but because of the fact that he took time to play basketball with me. I was born with a disability that meant that I could not play well with the other children at recess. When I served as ball monitor for one week I found a small ball that I could have a bit more control over. The next week, I asked for the ball and picked out one of the empty basketball courts. I think he must have seen me and that I was alone. For he came out to play with me on occasion. Through playing with me on the basketball court not only did he inspire confidence in me but he taught me a valuable lesson, that you should never be too busy to take time for others.
My Friend Anton: Wake up and find YOURSELF
For a while in high school and college my friend and I were convinced that life was just a dream. That we were passing through, that we were simply existing and that we ought to wake up to a better day. We could only do this, we knew, by finding ourselves, finding who we were, and finding out what we were meant to be. I chose to become a Jedi after so much time in an effort to find myself outside of religion and social norms. Slowly but surely I am waking up to become what I was meant to be. The only question I have is have I been awake this whole time? Will I only find out when I take the long rest? If I have been, what a waste of a life to blunder around wondering when you will wake up. In any case, Anton taught me not to listen to the voice of the crowd to choose my own action, but to rise above the din, wake up in a sense. Realize my own power and use it.
My Friend Sarah: If you believe something, live it.
One of my best friends is an LDS member, a Mormon. I watch her interaction with those in her church and school. It is obvious that she lives what it means to be Mormon. And she loves it. I believe it is the responsibility of all human beings to find a cause they believe in, rather selfish or selfless, and live it. We humans get one life. One chance to enjoy God’s green earth. One chance to create or destroy. To build up or tear down. Whatever we do is what people will remember. Best that we be remembered for a life well lived. A Jedi’s mission is to see that his life is lived for the service of others. It is a selfless mission, but unlike the fiction, we are not made Jedi by birth and hid in a temple. We become Jedi because something in life compels us to do so. We are not Jedi as an obligation, but by choice. We may decide to leave this path we are on or we may continue. Either way it is our choice.
The Conclusion
My evolutionary question is: How can I live a life that is defined by who I am, not what I do? So far I have learned: I should wake up and find myself. I should live what I believe. I should do what I want in the bounds of common sense, and I should never be too busy for others.
The question might be asked, what is a life that is not defined by actions? Perhaps there is no such thing. The truth is, I’m looking to live a life that at the end doesn’t need to be recited by a list of actions. If I am a Jedi I want to be a Jedi and not be a Jedi because I have checked a few boxes. Same with my Christian heritage. I want to be a Christian, because I lived what I believe.
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Insight Six is very hard and has been very hard since January because I did not have a “typical” family experience. I was given up at birth and pushed through the Foster care system. I met my biological mother at twelve years old, but I don’t know if that made a difference in my control drama or not. I’d wager that I had already found my “aloofness” by the time I was twelve. However, this means that I cannot find the purpose for my life. I cannot find the reason I am here.
What hurts the most is knowing that I have been given this life and not knowing what I am to do with it. However, just now, I got the answer as to how I am supposed to find meaning in my life. Because I had developed my control drama in the absence of my parents, I need to examine other influential relationships. There were people that took care of me, had influence over me, but when I look back, its hard to remember anything but bad things about them, because in addition to being abandoned, I was abused. But I survived! I have scars, but I made it!
I know what they taught me. At least I know some of what they taught me. In the first foster home I learned to believe God. We’d play a game when I was younger, where I’d pretend to stick may hand into the small hole of the armrest in my wheelchair. My foster sister and foster mother would then pray, and I would remove my hand. Thereby was I taught what would later become my faith in God. I know that I had done it, but I know also that it was God who gave me the power to do. As a matter of fact, there were some times that my hand would actually get stuck in the little hole. I would have to relax and breathe. I knew eventually it would come out.
When I moved to the next Foster home, there were two people I learned from: Mama and Papa. Mama was all about portraying a strong moral compass. Although I have to wonder, with some of the stuff that went on in that house if she was any good at it. It’s sort of like the book when it speaks about the main character’s dad wanting to find enjoyment but never being able to. I think the issue as it concerns Mama was that she was so interested in “doing” spirituality rather than being spiritual. I know that as I grew up there I only was exposed to three places: school, home and church. Our religion dictated how we interacted with others and how we experienced things in those three places. In the end, it was really all about control. I am not going to lie, when I was in that house, I was in an almost constant state of fear. But it was because of her need to “get to heaven” that she had she controlled every aspect of my life. She felt, if she did not “raise me right” she would not make it to heaven.
Papa was the same way, but he was all about control for a different reason. He was concerned about progress and making himself better. Making himself a person others would admire and fear. He did so by intimidation. He interrogated a lot but he did so with intimidation in mind. Any slip up resulted in consequences. I tried not to slip up, yet each day there was something. If there was not something for that day, there was something from the past, which they video tapped. In truth, I think Papa got his pleasure, his energy from beating us kids. Otherwise there could be no reason for searching as he did.
For all his faults, Papa taught me the importance of progress and perseverance. He never said “you must persevere”, “you must make progress”, but he made me learn lessons that showed me his philosophy on life. He tried.
Of particular concern is this: that Mama and Papa never got free of their control drama or never learned that in some cases is was bad to use it. To this end, they perpetuated control dramas onto their children and those around them. All are now in a battle for energy. An infinite source they consider to be finite. I began to learn the subtleties of energy manipulation at five when I moved into that house. In order to answer my evolutionary question, I must start there.
From Mama: How do I ensure that I have a good moral compass without letting my moral compass I defined by what and how much I can do?
From Papa: How do I achieve progress without stepping on the backs of others?
My question: How do I live a life that is defined by WHO I AM, not what I do?
It seems odd, does it not? Such a simple question have I been working on for the past twenty-seven years. However, knowing this question allows me to examine the relationships outside of Mama and Papa, outside of parents even, and move toward looking at friends and acquaintances. For this part, I will only look at those relationships that I can remember that had a profound impact on me.
My Big Brother: If you want to do something, do it.
My brother has always been an impulsive person. He has hopped over the fence from our house to the street in order to get a pair of headphones. He has moved across country not once, but several times. He has shaved his head on a whim. However from the first two instances I learned that although impulsivity may have its strengths, it must be tempered with a healthy bit of common sense. Impulsivity, I learned, has its consequences. They may sometimes affect you, but they often affect others. For example when my brother moved across country he left his children here. This put tremendous strain on their mother and the rest of the family as he was not sending any money for their support. When he hopped over the fence, he got a beating for at least an hour. He got the beating, but I heard it. Impulsivity works if all of your ducks are in a row. Just this month I saw impulsivity work well. My brother flew 3,000 miles to be with his children for father’s day and the rest of the week. He told me after he had related the story that “if you want to do something, don’t talk about it, do it.
Mr. Layton: You should never be too busy to take time for others
When I was in fifth and sixth grade there was a teacher I admired not because of his easy-going nature or his challenging curriculum, but because of the fact that he took time to play basketball with me. I was born with a disability that meant that I could not play well with the other children at recess. When I served as ball monitor for one week I found a small ball that I could have a bit more control over. The next week, I asked for the ball and picked out one of the empty basketball courts. I think he must have seen me and that I was alone. For he came out to play with me on occasion. Through playing with me on the basketball court not only did he inspire confidence in me but he taught me a valuable lesson, that you should never be too busy to take time for others.
My Friend Anton: Wake up and find YOURSELF
For a while in high school and college my friend and I were convinced that life was just a dream. That we were passing through, that we were simply existing and that we ought to wake up to a better day. We could only do this, we knew, by finding ourselves, finding who we were, and finding out what we were meant to be. I chose to become a Jedi after so much time in an effort to find myself outside of religion and social norms. Slowly but surely I am waking up to become what I was meant to be. The only question I have is have I been awake this whole time? Will I only find out when I take the long rest? If I have been, what a waste of a life to blunder around wondering when you will wake up. In any case, Anton taught me not to listen to the voice of the crowd to choose my own action, but to rise above the din, wake up in a sense. Realize my own power and use it.
My Friend Sarah: If you believe something, live it.
One of my best friends is an LDS member, a Mormon. I watch her interaction with those in her church and school. It is obvious that she lives what it means to be Mormon. And she loves it. I believe it is the responsibility of all human beings to find a cause they believe in, rather selfish or selfless, and live it. We humans get one life. One chance to enjoy God’s green earth. One chance to create or destroy. To build up or tear down. Whatever we do is what people will remember. Best that we be remembered for a life well lived. A Jedi’s mission is to see that his life is lived for the service of others. It is a selfless mission, but unlike the fiction, we are not made Jedi by birth and hid in a temple. We become Jedi because something in life compels us to do so. We are not Jedi as an obligation, but by choice. We may decide to leave this path we are on or we may continue. Either way it is our choice.
The Conclusion
My evolutionary question is: How can I live a life that is defined by who I am, not what I do? So far I have learned: I should wake up and find myself. I should live what I believe. I should do what I want in the bounds of common sense, and I should never be too busy for others.
The question might be asked, what is a life that is not defined by actions? Perhaps there is no such thing. The truth is, I’m looking to live a life that at the end doesn’t need to be recited by a list of actions. If I am a Jedi I want to be a Jedi and not be a Jedi because I have checked a few boxes. Same with my Christian heritage. I want to be a Christian, because I lived what I believe.
Insight 5: The Message of the Mystics
17 January 2013
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I did not fully understand this insight until I spent some time taking superfluous things from my diet, eating less, and eating healthier foods. Some time in October I went on a week long fast of one meal per day made up of lentils, rice and vegetables. This was the first time in a long time that I went on a fast and during the first few days I was counting down the hours until I could eat, but I believe that it sort of became habitual after that. My body had adapted and I was doing my best to keep myself busy.
Eating is a very enjoyable experience, but often times, in the midst of our enjoying, we forget the REAL purpose of food, to provide us with energy. In America there is an epidemic of obesity because we have forgotten what food was for. We use food to replace so many things in our life: happiness, activity, fulfillment. I used to eat because I was bored, not because I was hungry. This created a cycle, quickly broken, thank God, of eating more than three times a day. I had to take the time to take a look at myself and see what I was really doing. Certainly eating food is supposed to be enjoyable, but food should not be our only source of energy. Just as food is enjoyable, so should other things be. Taking a walk should be enjoyable and should fill us with energy, composing a song, writing a story. In short, to get energy, we should find the thing we most enjoy and do it. Rather, we should find a way to enjoy most things. Enjoy living and we will get the most out of life.
My dominant control is Aloof. This works well because my parents are Interrogators and Poor Me’s. Although I cannot truly say that as I do not know what I would have been like if I had been raised by them. I spent a lot of time in foster care, that in itself creates aloofness because of want of attention. I couldn’t be a poor me person because after a while people stop listening. I could not be an interrogator because I spent a lot of time as the youngest in several homes and in my culture it is not permissible for a young person to ask so many questions especially to older people. It will be difficult to find myself as I am so divided in childhood. I had no steady role models or people I had to compete for energy with. Rather I should say that I had several, but each required a different sort of handling. From 5-11 I was probably the “Poor Me” type of person. From 12-18, I was definitely an “Interrogator”. From 18-27 I am certainly an Aloof person. But you can see why it would be difficult to find my true self. I don’t have a place I was placed at per se. I have just been a citizen of earth for 27 years. I make deep connections with people who not my parents and I help people who need it. That is why I am here. I am here to serve as an inspiration to millions of people throughout my lifetime because of the struggles I have gone through.
I was given up at birth by a drug addicted mother and placed in the “system” where I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused. And I made it. I have never been arrested. I am not in a gang. I am not a prostitute. I am not bitter. I am not angry. I don’t hold a grudge. I don’t judge.
I was born with a disability that made me a social outcast and stunted my educational growth. I found a niche and used it. I educated. I empathized. I inspired. Not only have I graduated heighschool in the midst of starting my educational career in Special Education classes, but I also received a Bachelors degree and am working on a Masters.
So, I don’t have a specific place or space that I grew up in. Instead I have a purpose and a reason for living. This ought to make me more aware of when I am actually syphoning energy from people in my aloof state so that I can stop. I know now that the most enjoyable thing for me is to receive energy when I help people.
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I did not fully understand this insight until I spent some time taking superfluous things from my diet, eating less, and eating healthier foods. Some time in October I went on a week long fast of one meal per day made up of lentils, rice and vegetables. This was the first time in a long time that I went on a fast and during the first few days I was counting down the hours until I could eat, but I believe that it sort of became habitual after that. My body had adapted and I was doing my best to keep myself busy.
Eating is a very enjoyable experience, but often times, in the midst of our enjoying, we forget the REAL purpose of food, to provide us with energy. In America there is an epidemic of obesity because we have forgotten what food was for. We use food to replace so many things in our life: happiness, activity, fulfillment. I used to eat because I was bored, not because I was hungry. This created a cycle, quickly broken, thank God, of eating more than three times a day. I had to take the time to take a look at myself and see what I was really doing. Certainly eating food is supposed to be enjoyable, but food should not be our only source of energy. Just as food is enjoyable, so should other things be. Taking a walk should be enjoyable and should fill us with energy, composing a song, writing a story. In short, to get energy, we should find the thing we most enjoy and do it. Rather, we should find a way to enjoy most things. Enjoy living and we will get the most out of life.
My dominant control is Aloof. This works well because my parents are Interrogators and Poor Me’s. Although I cannot truly say that as I do not know what I would have been like if I had been raised by them. I spent a lot of time in foster care, that in itself creates aloofness because of want of attention. I couldn’t be a poor me person because after a while people stop listening. I could not be an interrogator because I spent a lot of time as the youngest in several homes and in my culture it is not permissible for a young person to ask so many questions especially to older people. It will be difficult to find myself as I am so divided in childhood. I had no steady role models or people I had to compete for energy with. Rather I should say that I had several, but each required a different sort of handling. From 5-11 I was probably the “Poor Me” type of person. From 12-18, I was definitely an “Interrogator”. From 18-27 I am certainly an Aloof person. But you can see why it would be difficult to find my true self. I don’t have a place I was placed at per se. I have just been a citizen of earth for 27 years. I make deep connections with people who not my parents and I help people who need it. That is why I am here. I am here to serve as an inspiration to millions of people throughout my lifetime because of the struggles I have gone through.
I was given up at birth by a drug addicted mother and placed in the “system” where I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused. And I made it. I have never been arrested. I am not in a gang. I am not a prostitute. I am not bitter. I am not angry. I don’t hold a grudge. I don’t judge.
I was born with a disability that made me a social outcast and stunted my educational growth. I found a niche and used it. I educated. I empathized. I inspired. Not only have I graduated heighschool in the midst of starting my educational career in Special Education classes, but I also received a Bachelors degree and am working on a Masters.
So, I don’t have a specific place or space that I grew up in. Instead I have a purpose and a reason for living. This ought to make me more aware of when I am actually syphoning energy from people in my aloof state so that I can stop. I know now that the most enjoyable thing for me is to receive energy when I help people.
Insight 4: The Struggle for Power
26 August 2012
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The insight here is that humans engage in a struggle for power by outwitting and outmatching an opponent in the mind. In this way the winner is able to syphon energy from the loser. The third and the forth insight go hand in hand here. Once we know that we can get energy from nature, how can we be content to take it from other human beings at the loser’s expense? It would be interesting to speculate on how we became so dependent on other human beings for our energy. I know that we have disconnected from the universal energy, but what caused this disconnect?
I have my own speculations according to my religious beliefs. In Genesis 2 God tells Adam that he may not eat from this particular tree, the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Once the woman is tempted in Chapter 3 of the same book, both the man and the woman chose to disobey God. This disobedience caused a rift in the previously harmonious relationship between man and the Universal energy source. Penalty for this comes in the form of both man and women “surviving” instead of living. This quest for survival means that we have to some extent given into our baser instincts; the competitive instinct employed by animals that eat living, moving things to stay alive. We have and use their instincts, but we lack their common sense, for even animals know when enough is enough. Even animals commune with and respect nature.
One of the ways in which man was “supposed” to regain the connection to the Universal energy was through Christ, not only his death, but his teachings. For Paul explains in Romans 5 “18 Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. 19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” (Romans 5: 18-19) Christ will say also “10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10) What is this righteousness? What is this life? The righteousness we have gained is Christ’s righteousness and the life we have gained through Christ has put us back in the “pre-fall” status with the Universal energy (which I call God).
God is of course very obvious in nature for those who look, for Romans says “19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
But look at what happens. People begin to disregard what is clearly visible (ie that God is the creator of all of this) for something that they have created themselves (their own idols)
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles (Romans 1: 19-22).
Now, understand that I am not coming against totems or crystals or anything that is used to help connect one to the Universal Force. I am speaking of considering the item without considering and respecting that which brought the item and its living form into existence. It’s as futile as attempting to connect to the Force through a conduit without believing in the existence of the Force.
This of course brings us full circle. The process of syphoning energy from another human being to that human being’s detriment is not the right or best way to get energy, it is a manufactured mascarade for the real way, getting energy from nature.
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The insight here is that humans engage in a struggle for power by outwitting and outmatching an opponent in the mind. In this way the winner is able to syphon energy from the loser. The third and the forth insight go hand in hand here. Once we know that we can get energy from nature, how can we be content to take it from other human beings at the loser’s expense? It would be interesting to speculate on how we became so dependent on other human beings for our energy. I know that we have disconnected from the universal energy, but what caused this disconnect?
I have my own speculations according to my religious beliefs. In Genesis 2 God tells Adam that he may not eat from this particular tree, the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Once the woman is tempted in Chapter 3 of the same book, both the man and the woman chose to disobey God. This disobedience caused a rift in the previously harmonious relationship between man and the Universal energy source. Penalty for this comes in the form of both man and women “surviving” instead of living. This quest for survival means that we have to some extent given into our baser instincts; the competitive instinct employed by animals that eat living, moving things to stay alive. We have and use their instincts, but we lack their common sense, for even animals know when enough is enough. Even animals commune with and respect nature.
One of the ways in which man was “supposed” to regain the connection to the Universal energy was through Christ, not only his death, but his teachings. For Paul explains in Romans 5 “18 Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. 19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” (Romans 5: 18-19) Christ will say also “10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10) What is this righteousness? What is this life? The righteousness we have gained is Christ’s righteousness and the life we have gained through Christ has put us back in the “pre-fall” status with the Universal energy (which I call God).
God is of course very obvious in nature for those who look, for Romans says “19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
But look at what happens. People begin to disregard what is clearly visible (ie that God is the creator of all of this) for something that they have created themselves (their own idols)
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles (Romans 1: 19-22).
Now, understand that I am not coming against totems or crystals or anything that is used to help connect one to the Universal Force. I am speaking of considering the item without considering and respecting that which brought the item and its living form into existence. It’s as futile as attempting to connect to the Force through a conduit without believing in the existence of the Force.
This of course brings us full circle. The process of syphoning energy from another human being to that human being’s detriment is not the right or best way to get energy, it is a manufactured mascarade for the real way, getting energy from nature.
Insight 3: A Matter of Energy
24 August 2014
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The important thing about this chapter is that the energy which surrounds all living things is not given a particular name; therefore, anyone can give it the name they find most comfortable. Immediately when I read the portion that describes the energy which surrounds all things, I thought “the force”. It works great as a name when I am not trying to use this field. For me this field needs rules in order to be used properly, that explains my continual reliance on God and the rules which He gives us to live by, primarily because it requires very little thinking on my part. I have been following these “rules” all my life and whatever thoughts I have given to “why” I follow these rules has only strengthened my faith in them.
I also like the idea that this energy is stronger and more readily available in untouched nature, but I’d like to speculate for a moment on why this is the case. I believe that the energy is most potent in nature because nature requires no interpretation to see beauty, whereas things that are manufactured, so to speak, require the viewer to think about what the artist is trying to convey. Everyone who went to Vicente found something that was beautiful there, even if it was not always the same thing. Some were enamored with how the gardens grew rather than the beauty in the gardens themselves. Either way, attention was being directed to the gardens, strengthening their energy so that they can give out more. For one’s own purposes though, I do not believe that energy can only be found in nature. I like intricate symmetry. I find beauty in its complexity as well as its simplicity. More so, I find beauty in the complexity of complex symmetry because its building blocks are simple. Furthermore, I believe somewhere in my subconscious I know that artists of whatever type take their inspiration from the world around them, that is, from nature. Given that premise, energy can be syphoned from anywhere, even a stuffy office.
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The important thing about this chapter is that the energy which surrounds all living things is not given a particular name; therefore, anyone can give it the name they find most comfortable. Immediately when I read the portion that describes the energy which surrounds all things, I thought “the force”. It works great as a name when I am not trying to use this field. For me this field needs rules in order to be used properly, that explains my continual reliance on God and the rules which He gives us to live by, primarily because it requires very little thinking on my part. I have been following these “rules” all my life and whatever thoughts I have given to “why” I follow these rules has only strengthened my faith in them.
I also like the idea that this energy is stronger and more readily available in untouched nature, but I’d like to speculate for a moment on why this is the case. I believe that the energy is most potent in nature because nature requires no interpretation to see beauty, whereas things that are manufactured, so to speak, require the viewer to think about what the artist is trying to convey. Everyone who went to Vicente found something that was beautiful there, even if it was not always the same thing. Some were enamored with how the gardens grew rather than the beauty in the gardens themselves. Either way, attention was being directed to the gardens, strengthening their energy so that they can give out more. For one’s own purposes though, I do not believe that energy can only be found in nature. I like intricate symmetry. I find beauty in its complexity as well as its simplicity. More so, I find beauty in the complexity of complex symmetry because its building blocks are simple. Furthermore, I believe somewhere in my subconscious I know that artists of whatever type take their inspiration from the world around them, that is, from nature. Given that premise, energy can be syphoned from anywhere, even a stuffy office.
Insight 2: The Longer View
17 August 2012
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This insight made me very emotional. It almost brought me to tears. We keep moving further and further away from the purpose we are trying to find. Maybe there is a grander purpose for our existence on this planet, but it cannot be found in taking away the purposes of others who share the same life force. Living has become a rat-race to the grave. We have become expert consumers of goods to the detriment of our own habitat. I wonder what our view of living will be if we learned that no one would remember the accomplishments we made 2,000 years from now. I mean the little ones: the slaving for a paycheck, the cutthroat politics, the wars for oil and other various resources that kill thousands and hundreds of thousands of people. The great things that come from this will not be remembered, and so, in the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter. However, take a look at what we are doing to our world to achieve these things. We behave as if this rat-race is the end-all-be-all of existence. If we continue to behave like this, it will be.
I keep wondering if 1,500 years into the future, someone will look back, much like our main character does in the novel, to see what we did with our time on earth. What sort of psychological, philosophical, ethical, spiritual, footprint will we leave on the earth for others to see? That is what we need to worry about. The footprints we leave. The more pressing matter which leads into this is that we need to find a better way to exist on this planet, or it won’t matter what sort of footprints we leave as the earth will be gone.
Since I am a Christian, I understand the world a certain way. I remember reading early in Genesis that God gave man the purpose of having dominion over all of His creation. This is in chapter 1. In chapter two, God gives man the purpose of caring for the garden in which he now lives. This is the purest sort of living, but I imagine Adam and Eve got very bored simply doing that, and there was a small tree calling out to them day by day. Eventually they succumbed to the temptation and ate the fruit. Upon eating the fruit, man went from living to simply existing. This was of course unavoidable. The question then becomes “how can we return back to the simple life of living, of caring for those who share the same life force, of respecting our habitat?” Well, it really is that simple. Care for those who share the same life force and respect your habitat. Simple and yet difficult to put into practice in this consumerist society.
I for one, feel trapped. I feel like I am trying to move a giant mountain by myself, but I guess the fact that the task is insurmountable shouldn’t stop me from doing all I can. How many people have the same thought running through their head? What if we got together, all of the doubters, and put our combined strength to the task.
The problem is that this change in thinking that requires me not only to take responsibility, but being an agent of the change, is far too difficult. It is better to remain blissfully asleep. I spoke with someone last night and learned that the way to get up and do something will come at the proper time.
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This insight made me very emotional. It almost brought me to tears. We keep moving further and further away from the purpose we are trying to find. Maybe there is a grander purpose for our existence on this planet, but it cannot be found in taking away the purposes of others who share the same life force. Living has become a rat-race to the grave. We have become expert consumers of goods to the detriment of our own habitat. I wonder what our view of living will be if we learned that no one would remember the accomplishments we made 2,000 years from now. I mean the little ones: the slaving for a paycheck, the cutthroat politics, the wars for oil and other various resources that kill thousands and hundreds of thousands of people. The great things that come from this will not be remembered, and so, in the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter. However, take a look at what we are doing to our world to achieve these things. We behave as if this rat-race is the end-all-be-all of existence. If we continue to behave like this, it will be.
I keep wondering if 1,500 years into the future, someone will look back, much like our main character does in the novel, to see what we did with our time on earth. What sort of psychological, philosophical, ethical, spiritual, footprint will we leave on the earth for others to see? That is what we need to worry about. The footprints we leave. The more pressing matter which leads into this is that we need to find a better way to exist on this planet, or it won’t matter what sort of footprints we leave as the earth will be gone.
Since I am a Christian, I understand the world a certain way. I remember reading early in Genesis that God gave man the purpose of having dominion over all of His creation. This is in chapter 1. In chapter two, God gives man the purpose of caring for the garden in which he now lives. This is the purest sort of living, but I imagine Adam and Eve got very bored simply doing that, and there was a small tree calling out to them day by day. Eventually they succumbed to the temptation and ate the fruit. Upon eating the fruit, man went from living to simply existing. This was of course unavoidable. The question then becomes “how can we return back to the simple life of living, of caring for those who share the same life force, of respecting our habitat?” Well, it really is that simple. Care for those who share the same life force and respect your habitat. Simple and yet difficult to put into practice in this consumerist society.
I for one, feel trapped. I feel like I am trying to move a giant mountain by myself, but I guess the fact that the task is insurmountable shouldn’t stop me from doing all I can. How many people have the same thought running through their head? What if we got together, all of the doubters, and put our combined strength to the task.
The problem is that this change in thinking that requires me not only to take responsibility, but being an agent of the change, is far too difficult. It is better to remain blissfully asleep. I spoke with someone last night and learned that the way to get up and do something will come at the proper time.
Insight 1: Coincidences and the Mystery of Life
9 August 2012
---------------
A reconsideration of the inherent mystery that surrounds our individual lives on this planet.
We experience mysterious coincidences which show us that there is another side of life we have yet to discover--some other process operating behind the scenes.
A world transformation is taking place now because the number of individuals conscious of such coincidences is growing dramatically.
Once we reach a "critical mass" of such individuals, the culture will begin to take these coincidental experiences seriously, and we will wonder, in mass, what mysterious process underlies human life on this planet. (From Laura Bryannan)
A profound sense of restlessness always precedes a period of wakefulness or sleep. When we are asleep and our body is ready to wake up, there is a part of ourselves, however small, that would like to remain in the current state of sleep. For that period, we are in a state of limbo the text calls restlessness. On the other hand, when our body is ready to rest for the night, there is a part of us, however small, that would like to remain in the current state of wakefulness.Even as adults, we fight sleep as if we are children. We therefore cannot assume that the state of restlessness as described in this chapter will mean that everyone, or even the majority of people, will suddenly wake up to a state that is hyper aware of life, its purpose, and its workings. We as a species may be approaching another evolution which is not so much physical as in time past, but mental, psychological, spiritual. The powers that be have created the state conducive to evolution, but there is a reason Darwin called this phenomenon “survival of the fittest”. As the woman said in this chapter, these insights are not new, this has happened before.
We should not, therefore, become concerned if the majority of people continue to live in a zombie state of sleep even if they feel this restlessness. This restlessness may create even more pressure in people to get and consume hoping to fill the void created by the restlessness.
I recall beginning to feel this state of restlessness in high school. At the time I was just entering tenth grade or so. It was my summer break. I remember searching so hard for something. Whatever it was, I didn’t find it even after high school or well into college. My friend Anton and I used to always tell one another that this life was a dream we were set to wake up from at any moment.I have just learned that the point of the restlessness may not be to find something. That is to say, not to “arrive” at a place, but to find pleasure in the journey, to enjoy each point in the journey. Let us take the example of marriage. Marriage carries with it certain notions, certain ideas about how things are supposed to be. Yet, marriage is simply the joining of two beings that have decided to spend their life together. What that means could be different for each couple or for the individuals within the marriage. This is clear in that argument scene in the book. The woman walks out of the restaurant complaining that the relationship just isn’t working. The truth is, it isn’t what she expected it to be. This is the source of the restlessness. Who is at fault, the person who did not rise to the expectations or the person who had the expectations in their mind? By setting expectations we lose respect for the mystery that surrounds life. The student with high expectations may forget what a joy it is to learn and may therefore become restless. Those that work with tremendous pressure on the job may lose the spark which drove them to pursue this field of work. This also produces restlessness.
The coincidences the chapter speaks about are not happening more frequently, but we are paying attention more allowing us to see them. In life, nothing is coincidental. We are a part of a larger consciousness , each person sending out waves knowingly or unknowingly that attract things, people, events. We create coincidences as it were. However, coincidences imply that we did nothing to create them, which is a lie. The more we call things coincidences, the less likely we are to take them seriously. The fact of the matter is that there very well may be an underlying power to all that goes on in the universe. This may be the power called thought. However, in this day and age, we spend so much time on auto-pilot that we seldom have time to really consider the thoughts we are projecting on to the universe. It is us who are waking up, who are seeing the world as more than a collection of coincidences, who should be taking control of our mind.
---------------
A reconsideration of the inherent mystery that surrounds our individual lives on this planet.
We experience mysterious coincidences which show us that there is another side of life we have yet to discover--some other process operating behind the scenes.
A world transformation is taking place now because the number of individuals conscious of such coincidences is growing dramatically.
Once we reach a "critical mass" of such individuals, the culture will begin to take these coincidental experiences seriously, and we will wonder, in mass, what mysterious process underlies human life on this planet. (From Laura Bryannan)
A profound sense of restlessness always precedes a period of wakefulness or sleep. When we are asleep and our body is ready to wake up, there is a part of ourselves, however small, that would like to remain in the current state of sleep. For that period, we are in a state of limbo the text calls restlessness. On the other hand, when our body is ready to rest for the night, there is a part of us, however small, that would like to remain in the current state of wakefulness.Even as adults, we fight sleep as if we are children. We therefore cannot assume that the state of restlessness as described in this chapter will mean that everyone, or even the majority of people, will suddenly wake up to a state that is hyper aware of life, its purpose, and its workings. We as a species may be approaching another evolution which is not so much physical as in time past, but mental, psychological, spiritual. The powers that be have created the state conducive to evolution, but there is a reason Darwin called this phenomenon “survival of the fittest”. As the woman said in this chapter, these insights are not new, this has happened before.
We should not, therefore, become concerned if the majority of people continue to live in a zombie state of sleep even if they feel this restlessness. This restlessness may create even more pressure in people to get and consume hoping to fill the void created by the restlessness.
I recall beginning to feel this state of restlessness in high school. At the time I was just entering tenth grade or so. It was my summer break. I remember searching so hard for something. Whatever it was, I didn’t find it even after high school or well into college. My friend Anton and I used to always tell one another that this life was a dream we were set to wake up from at any moment.I have just learned that the point of the restlessness may not be to find something. That is to say, not to “arrive” at a place, but to find pleasure in the journey, to enjoy each point in the journey. Let us take the example of marriage. Marriage carries with it certain notions, certain ideas about how things are supposed to be. Yet, marriage is simply the joining of two beings that have decided to spend their life together. What that means could be different for each couple or for the individuals within the marriage. This is clear in that argument scene in the book. The woman walks out of the restaurant complaining that the relationship just isn’t working. The truth is, it isn’t what she expected it to be. This is the source of the restlessness. Who is at fault, the person who did not rise to the expectations or the person who had the expectations in their mind? By setting expectations we lose respect for the mystery that surrounds life. The student with high expectations may forget what a joy it is to learn and may therefore become restless. Those that work with tremendous pressure on the job may lose the spark which drove them to pursue this field of work. This also produces restlessness.
The coincidences the chapter speaks about are not happening more frequently, but we are paying attention more allowing us to see them. In life, nothing is coincidental. We are a part of a larger consciousness , each person sending out waves knowingly or unknowingly that attract things, people, events. We create coincidences as it were. However, coincidences imply that we did nothing to create them, which is a lie. The more we call things coincidences, the less likely we are to take them seriously. The fact of the matter is that there very well may be an underlying power to all that goes on in the universe. This may be the power called thought. However, in this day and age, we spend so much time on auto-pilot that we seldom have time to really consider the thoughts we are projecting on to the universe. It is us who are waking up, who are seeing the world as more than a collection of coincidences, who should be taking control of our mind.
Apprentice Assignment #1 A Reflection on the Journey
1 August 2012
---------
Instructions
Welcome back, and welcome to our corner of the forum! For your first assignment:I'd like you to reflect on your time here and summarise your development so far. I know this has been recorded to some extent in your journal but it's good to look back over a period of time to see what advances have been made.
Summary
It has only been two months since I came here, but it feels like forever since I have started the journey. I do not know why it feels like this, but I believe as the journey goes on, perhaps the days go slower so that I can enjoy them. When I first arrived, it was with a singular purpose, find a religion to replace my own which I had become disillusioned with the day I joined. Just simply thinking about all of the work I had put into the church over the past five years and how they did not bother to respect at least the knowledge that I had. I literally felt so downtrodden. I remember what I was doing the very day I joined and how it felt. I was at school and we had just finished a test in one of my classes so I was out in the lobby waiting for my ride home when I picked up my iPad and started searching for “Jedi Churches in San Diego”. It took some searching, but I found the site located in the United Kingdom and then after some searching found the Texas address. Alright, so it was not an actual building and it was not in San Diego, but the forum looked nice. What immediately attracted me were the Initiate Studies. In my mind I was like “You mean to tell me that I can LEARN to become a Jedi?” From that point on I was hooked. I began the process to become a Jedi that day.
I am probably wrong, but I believe the first person I connected with was Mello. He is called my “wonder twin” because the two of us could be in chat at completely different times of the day, find a knight or master, and ask the exact same question. I remember when Hellisforhorses joined. My first impression was “what a name!” Mello, Hell and I used to have a ball complaining about some of the parts of the Initiates Program (McTaggart and Watts). When I found the audio version of Watts “The Book” angels started singing that “Hallelujah” song in my head, because I’m telling you I could literally read a chapter of that book, close the book and forget the whole thing. Friends are what helped me make it through the Initiate Program.
When I finished the Initiate Program, I think I gave myself three or four days to wait before I got impatient. By that time I had meant MJ Hannigan off site through skype for an empath class. I found his class interesting and decided that THIS was the type of teaching I wanted. This one-on-one sort of laid back way of doing things. I also labored under the false information that I would have to wait eight months for a master. To me that was eight months without learning. I also wanted to learn Reiki and I knew a person needed to wait for Knighthood to do so. He said he would teach me independently and I was thrilled. I posted in my journal that I had given leaving TOTJO a lot of thought. In reality, I had not. I had not even asked for clarification on any of the assumptions I was making.
I left TOTJO to study under Hannigan and the next day met some cool people on the panel for his show. Maybe I met the people before leaving TOTJO. Oh, yes I did. These people, who are great acquaintances, explained to me the difference between a Jediist and a Jedi Realist. Honestly, I think the two distinctions are splitting hairs, but to each his or her own. Somehow, during that conversation I was convinced that TOTJO was not authentic. The conversation had not even finished before I wrote that journal entry.
Without going into much detail, I will simply say that I found Hannigan teaching method to be lacking. I went to IJRS to try and augment my training with him and began speaking with Jax, the principal of the Academy. I had just begun the Introduction Course when she asked me to do a very odd assignment. She wanted to know what TOTJO was doing right that made them so popular and active. Unfortunately at that time, I had fallen into downing TOTJO for its inadequacies. I believe it was because I wanted to fit in for the most part, at first. As time went on, I really began to believe what I was saying. It is a coward’s move to say I was influenced, pressured, spurred into action, by others. I am a grown woman of twenty-six years. I will admit I had a moment of weakness, but it was my weakness, they did not put it on me. I believe Jax picked up on that and assigned me the paper. It is here for your viewing: What Temple of the Jedi Order Does Right.docx - docs.google.com/document/d/1Omw69Rj639Dm...LlbsPeCCPpdOOdY/edit
When I did the paper, I realized what I had been missing at TOTJO. It is not even something I can describe. I could not put it into words in the paper Jax asked me to write. The things on the paper may be what draw people here, but it is the people here that make people stay.
I remember right after the Ohio Gathering, I was complaining to War Beauty about having trouble on my path. She asked me a very simple question “What do you want?” I remember I linked a video to her:
.
She told me that if I wanted this lifestyle, I should live it, simple. The question still remained for me HOW to do it. I believe it was at that time also that I began reading the Darth Bane trilogy of Star Wars. I realized that all of the quotes I was highlighting I had heard or seen somewhere. I thought to myself “why am I reading star wars books for wisdom? There are or were real people who said these things that inspired the author to include them. These sayings are not new.” I thought to myself “I’ll find all of the star wars pearls of wisdom and find analogous pearls of wisdom in more well known books. Now, where is there a large repository of books that I might find useful in this task? TOTJO. Then it CLICKED for me. TOTJO was not bad or wrong or inadequate because it did not base its teachings on Star Wars. They had moved in the direction I was going long before I had. By then of course, I had decided I did not need a new religion, but a greater respect for my own. What I needed was a lifestyle. That is when I turned to IJRS.
I had been to IJRS before, but I had never felt led to complete any of the assignments. A little over a week ago I started to do them, and then, like I said, the paper from Jax changed my whole perspective on the Jedi Path and my life and learning at TOTJO.
Reflection
Looking over my journal in the past few days, I find myself examining the truths in the assignments, but I find that I am disconnected. I feel like more scholar than Jedi. Some time in the future, I may have to take a look at the lessons of the IP again. After all there is no rush really. I want to see what it is like looking at them again having grown up a bit in the past two months.
I believe my greatest period of learning occurred outside of TOTJO. When I finished the IP, if you would have asked me if I was ready for a master I would’ve said yes. The truth is I was not. There are a couple of lessons I needed to learn first
1. To direct my own study. 2. To find my own truth. 3. To find the right “site” for my path. 4. To search out a thing before assuming and committing
If I had the opportunity, I would do it again. I would chose to learn those lessons that exact way. These are not something one can learn from a book, but they are required. They must be learned by experience. The important thing is that I needed to be fully present. I needed to feel at that time that this was my truth; that this was the path I needed to be on. I needed to have those learning experiences.
---------
Instructions
Welcome back, and welcome to our corner of the forum! For your first assignment:I'd like you to reflect on your time here and summarise your development so far. I know this has been recorded to some extent in your journal but it's good to look back over a period of time to see what advances have been made.
Summary
It has only been two months since I came here, but it feels like forever since I have started the journey. I do not know why it feels like this, but I believe as the journey goes on, perhaps the days go slower so that I can enjoy them. When I first arrived, it was with a singular purpose, find a religion to replace my own which I had become disillusioned with the day I joined. Just simply thinking about all of the work I had put into the church over the past five years and how they did not bother to respect at least the knowledge that I had. I literally felt so downtrodden. I remember what I was doing the very day I joined and how it felt. I was at school and we had just finished a test in one of my classes so I was out in the lobby waiting for my ride home when I picked up my iPad and started searching for “Jedi Churches in San Diego”. It took some searching, but I found the site located in the United Kingdom and then after some searching found the Texas address. Alright, so it was not an actual building and it was not in San Diego, but the forum looked nice. What immediately attracted me were the Initiate Studies. In my mind I was like “You mean to tell me that I can LEARN to become a Jedi?” From that point on I was hooked. I began the process to become a Jedi that day.
I am probably wrong, but I believe the first person I connected with was Mello. He is called my “wonder twin” because the two of us could be in chat at completely different times of the day, find a knight or master, and ask the exact same question. I remember when Hellisforhorses joined. My first impression was “what a name!” Mello, Hell and I used to have a ball complaining about some of the parts of the Initiates Program (McTaggart and Watts). When I found the audio version of Watts “The Book” angels started singing that “Hallelujah” song in my head, because I’m telling you I could literally read a chapter of that book, close the book and forget the whole thing. Friends are what helped me make it through the Initiate Program.
When I finished the Initiate Program, I think I gave myself three or four days to wait before I got impatient. By that time I had meant MJ Hannigan off site through skype for an empath class. I found his class interesting and decided that THIS was the type of teaching I wanted. This one-on-one sort of laid back way of doing things. I also labored under the false information that I would have to wait eight months for a master. To me that was eight months without learning. I also wanted to learn Reiki and I knew a person needed to wait for Knighthood to do so. He said he would teach me independently and I was thrilled. I posted in my journal that I had given leaving TOTJO a lot of thought. In reality, I had not. I had not even asked for clarification on any of the assumptions I was making.
I left TOTJO to study under Hannigan and the next day met some cool people on the panel for his show. Maybe I met the people before leaving TOTJO. Oh, yes I did. These people, who are great acquaintances, explained to me the difference between a Jediist and a Jedi Realist. Honestly, I think the two distinctions are splitting hairs, but to each his or her own. Somehow, during that conversation I was convinced that TOTJO was not authentic. The conversation had not even finished before I wrote that journal entry.
Without going into much detail, I will simply say that I found Hannigan teaching method to be lacking. I went to IJRS to try and augment my training with him and began speaking with Jax, the principal of the Academy. I had just begun the Introduction Course when she asked me to do a very odd assignment. She wanted to know what TOTJO was doing right that made them so popular and active. Unfortunately at that time, I had fallen into downing TOTJO for its inadequacies. I believe it was because I wanted to fit in for the most part, at first. As time went on, I really began to believe what I was saying. It is a coward’s move to say I was influenced, pressured, spurred into action, by others. I am a grown woman of twenty-six years. I will admit I had a moment of weakness, but it was my weakness, they did not put it on me. I believe Jax picked up on that and assigned me the paper. It is here for your viewing: What Temple of the Jedi Order Does Right.docx - docs.google.com/document/d/1Omw69Rj639Dm...LlbsPeCCPpdOOdY/edit
When I did the paper, I realized what I had been missing at TOTJO. It is not even something I can describe. I could not put it into words in the paper Jax asked me to write. The things on the paper may be what draw people here, but it is the people here that make people stay.
I remember right after the Ohio Gathering, I was complaining to War Beauty about having trouble on my path. She asked me a very simple question “What do you want?” I remember I linked a video to her:
.
She told me that if I wanted this lifestyle, I should live it, simple. The question still remained for me HOW to do it. I believe it was at that time also that I began reading the Darth Bane trilogy of Star Wars. I realized that all of the quotes I was highlighting I had heard or seen somewhere. I thought to myself “why am I reading star wars books for wisdom? There are or were real people who said these things that inspired the author to include them. These sayings are not new.” I thought to myself “I’ll find all of the star wars pearls of wisdom and find analogous pearls of wisdom in more well known books. Now, where is there a large repository of books that I might find useful in this task? TOTJO. Then it CLICKED for me. TOTJO was not bad or wrong or inadequate because it did not base its teachings on Star Wars. They had moved in the direction I was going long before I had. By then of course, I had decided I did not need a new religion, but a greater respect for my own. What I needed was a lifestyle. That is when I turned to IJRS.
I had been to IJRS before, but I had never felt led to complete any of the assignments. A little over a week ago I started to do them, and then, like I said, the paper from Jax changed my whole perspective on the Jedi Path and my life and learning at TOTJO.
Reflection
Looking over my journal in the past few days, I find myself examining the truths in the assignments, but I find that I am disconnected. I feel like more scholar than Jedi. Some time in the future, I may have to take a look at the lessons of the IP again. After all there is no rush really. I want to see what it is like looking at them again having grown up a bit in the past two months.
I believe my greatest period of learning occurred outside of TOTJO. When I finished the IP, if you would have asked me if I was ready for a master I would’ve said yes. The truth is I was not. There are a couple of lessons I needed to learn first
1. To direct my own study. 2. To find my own truth. 3. To find the right “site” for my path. 4. To search out a thing before assuming and committing
If I had the opportunity, I would do it again. I would chose to learn those lessons that exact way. These are not something one can learn from a book, but they are required. They must be learned by experience. The important thing is that I needed to be fully present. I needed to feel at that time that this was my truth; that this was the path I needed to be on. I needed to have those learning experiences.