17 January 2013
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I did not fully understand this insight until I spent some time taking
superfluous things from my diet, eating less, and eating healthier
foods. Some time in October I went on a week long fast of one meal per
day made up of lentils, rice and vegetables. This was the first time in a
long time that I went on a fast and during the first few days I was
counting down the hours until I could eat, but I believe that it sort of
became habitual after that. My body had adapted and I was doing my best
to keep myself busy.
Eating is a very enjoyable experience, but often times, in the midst of
our enjoying, we forget the REAL purpose of food, to provide us with
energy. In America there is an epidemic of obesity because we have
forgotten what food was for. We use food to replace so many things in
our life: happiness, activity, fulfillment. I used to eat because I was
bored, not because I was hungry. This created a cycle, quickly broken,
thank God, of eating more than three times a day. I had to take the time
to take a look at myself and see what I was really doing. Certainly
eating food is supposed to be enjoyable, but food should not be our only
source of energy. Just as food is enjoyable, so should other things be.
Taking a walk should be enjoyable and should fill us with energy,
composing a song, writing a story. In short, to get energy, we should
find the thing we most enjoy and do it. Rather, we should find a way to
enjoy most things. Enjoy living and we will get the most out of life.
My dominant control is Aloof. This works well because my parents are
Interrogators and Poor Me’s. Although I cannot truly say that as I do
not know what I would have been like if I had been raised by them. I
spent a lot of time in foster care, that in itself creates aloofness
because of want of attention. I couldn’t be a poor me person because
after a while people stop listening. I could not be an interrogator
because I spent a lot of time as the youngest in several homes and in my
culture it is not permissible for a young person to ask so many
questions especially to older people. It will be difficult to find
myself as I am so divided in childhood. I had no steady role models or
people I had to compete for energy with. Rather I should say that I had
several, but each required a different sort of handling. From 5-11 I was
probably the “Poor Me” type of person. From 12-18, I was definitely an
“Interrogator”. From 18-27 I am certainly an Aloof person. But you can
see why it would be difficult to find my true self. I don’t have a place
I was placed at per se. I have just been a citizen of earth for 27
years. I make deep connections with people who not my parents and I help
people who need it. That is why I am here. I am here to serve as an
inspiration to millions of people throughout my lifetime because of the
struggles I have gone through.
I was given up at birth by a drug addicted mother and placed in the
“system” where I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused. And I
made it. I have never been arrested. I am not in a gang. I am not a
prostitute. I am not bitter. I am not angry. I don’t hold a grudge. I
don’t judge.
I was born with a disability that made me a social outcast and stunted
my educational growth. I found a niche and used it. I educated. I
empathized. I inspired. Not only have I graduated heighschool in the
midst of starting my educational career in Special Education classes,
but I also received a Bachelors degree and am working on a Masters.
So, I don’t have a specific place or space that I grew up in. Instead I
have a purpose and a reason for living. This ought to make me more aware
of when I am actually syphoning energy from people in my aloof state so
that I can stop. I know now that the most enjoyable thing for me is to
receive energy when I help people.
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